Revelations
by Unit7
Summary: After she fails a mission from God, Joan reveals her secret to the family. Now her world is falling apart. Her brothers are mocking her, her parents are struggling to be supportive. Now she is below subdefective. R R
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Cat's Out of The Bag.

Joan Girardi was not the typical 17 year old. Perhaps there were similar girls to her, God rarely answers questions. The thought of someone else being the errand girl of God didn't provide much comfort, in fact a pang of pity crept through her. It wasn't that she didn't like doing her job, and although at times her missions seemed pointless, she knew that it was for the greater good. This, however, didn't diminish the embarrassment she had to endure. Any day God could walk up to her and ask for something. If she received vacation time, she was unaware of it. She couldn't really ask God either, simply because he would give an amused smile while giving his 'Free Will' speech.

Joan could deal with this, she had done it for almost a year now. . What she couldn't deal with was how it separated her from her family and friends. The secret she possessed, one that would cause chaos in the religious world, had driven a wedge between her family and friends. Most importantly however, it made Joan feel guilty when she spoke with Adam.

Joan could remember early on in her role as Errand Girl, she had come close to telling Adam. That was until God had showed up trying to look for the Large Print Section. Divine Intervention perhaps. God had not necessarily forbade telling Adam her secret. In fact, Joan could shout it on the roof tops ifs he so pleased. But she could never do that, and God knew it. God wasn't worried if Adam knew the truth, because God knew he would accept it. It was to protect Adam, who would be going through a very difficult time.

So Joan had a secret and feared to reveal it. Speaking to god, not to mention seeing him, was a clear indicator of an unstable mind. Joan had pondered this thought several times through the lonely nights. What if it wasn't real? That she had imagined it? Could she have endangered her life for nothing? Deep inside, a small voice would whisper. This whisper, perhaps that feeling God spoke of the first day, calmed and eased her mind. After all even Luke, perhaps the most logical person she knew and a man of science to boot, believed in God. Or at least some concept of it.

So when her secret was revealed on one dreary night. All of her fears had trespassed from her wild imagination into reality.

"What were you thinking?" Will Girardi shouted, his anger unparalleled. "You could have been killed. You should have gotten an adult, you should know this."

"Will, we don't need the neighbors overhearing." Helen Girardi placed a comforting hand on her husband's shoulder.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Joan shouted, her own anger rising, "How was I supposed to know? He doesn't give me any of the answers, just things to do." In her fury she had allowed her words uncensored. Her parents angry faces twisted with confusion.

"Who gives you things to do?" Will demanded. "So I can wring his neck."

"Will!" Helen scolded.

"Look anyone who sends my girl into danger, will have to deal with me." Will jabbed his thumb into his chest. Now it was Joan's turn to be confused.

"I thought we raised you better," Helen began softly. Good parent, Bad parent, Joan thought dismally. "Why would you listen to a creep if he doesn't tell you why?" Now it was Joan's turn to be confused. She looked dumbfounded at her parents.

"Who are you guys talking about?" Joan asked, her anger tapering off. Surely she hadn't mentioned God had she?"

"This dirtbag, the one who gives you these 'tasks', what's his name." Will's voice still carried that 'I'm going to kill him' tone. her daughter could have been so easily fooled by some guy.

"I'm not lying!" Joan shouted. She was suddenly aware that the whole neighborhood probably heard her, but in her anger she didn't think twice on it. The argument waged, neither side gaining any ground.

"You haven't joined a cult have you?" Her father asked. He had been working on a case dealing with a very demented cult.

"I didn't say anything about a guy." Joan said defensively, but she knew it to be a lie.

"Is this what he asks you to do too? Lie?" Helen frowned. She couldn't believe

"Of course not!" shouted Joan wanting to bury her head in the sand. "You won't believe me anyways." Her voice had now taken on a whimper. The fighter in her was exhausted. She had seriously botched a a mission with disastrous results. She simply gave in, and with a weak whisper she spoke, "God" he parents suddenly sobered up. If they were angry, they didn't show it.

"What do you mean by God?" Will asked. He had been raised as Catholic and had been an altar boy. But as he grew up, the world seemed to demented and cruel for a 'benevolent' god.

"I..." Joan began but stopped. How do you explain to your atheist father and agnostic mother that you had conversations with God? "He... well she..." Joan tried to come up with a way to explain it, but everything failed her.

"Honey," Helen said as she sat next to her daughter on the couch. She reached out for Joan's hand, but Joan retracted her hand. Helen paused, mulling over what she was about to say. "Sweety, what do you mean God asks you to do things? Just say it."

"No, I want to go to bed," Joan whimpered, tears already forming at her eyes. She was done for, she would be sent to an insane asylum.

"If this is some attempt to gain attention.." Will said soothingly as if he understood. This let loose the rest of her energy to fight.

"Do you think I like this!" Joan shouted. "Everyday there is a chance that God will show up and give me a vague idea of what to do and something about Ripples."

"Ripples?" Helen asked, but Joan ignored her.

"Everyday I get to embarrass myself in more creative ways." Joan was freely sobbing now, but somehow it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Then why do it?" Will asked, all the while planning on how to deal with his mentally unstable daughter. He had learned to perfect this technique early in his career. Often when he had collared a criminal on small time stuff. While a part of him asked the questions and listened, another pondered on other things unrelated to the actual criminal.

"How do you tell God no?" Joan hugged her stunned mother. Her tears soaking her mothers blouse. She was unsure of why she was crying. Perhaps for the future that would never be, one does not simply confess you talk to God in such a manner and expect a normal life afterwards. Perhaps it was because she was happy that the secret was out, that they knew about her relationship with God. Maybe it was because she felt like she had let God down. Whatever the reason, the ripples will spread. Where they go more ripples will form and touch lives around the world. Thats how it was supposed to work, right?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Scrambled Eggs and Tears.

That night as Joan slipped into bed she was keenly aware of the sounds around her. She could hear her parents arguing in their rooms. It wasn't the typical things parents argued about, if they after tonights events, perhaps it would have soothed Joan. No, they were talking about how to deal with Joan. Will had always been a stubborn man when it came to psychiatrists or counselors. He disliked the idea of sharing family affairs with a stranger, whether they could divulge the secrets or not. Helen, was arguing for the counseling. She felt uncomfortable going to a psychiatrist but was not at all opposed. Sessions with psychiatrists always reminded her of the time spent talking with one after her rape. But it also reminded her of how it helped her overcome the obstacles she had to face.

Joan shifted in her bed uneasily, the world knew the secret. Her throat was raw as the result of shouting her secrets, secrets in which the neighbors were now discussing. So the ripples were beginning to spread... She tuned her parents out and managed to catch Kevin and Luke talking. They were not acting concerned about the situation. They did not try and rationalize it. They were making jokes. Cruel ones at that.

The tears jumped to her eyes, fell down her cheeks, and soaked her pillow. What have I done? She cursed. I should have just kept quiet, or make up some person. The possible, and useless, stories began coming to mind. Some could have worked, while others were simply worse then the truth.

The Truth Will Set You Free...

or was it,

The Truth Will Send You To The Insane Asylum

Joan wanted to scream, but was unable to. She was vaguely aware that around Arcadia the word was spreading like wildfire. She curled up, and drifted into sleep.

That morning at breakfast, something Joan rarely ate, she kept catching Luke and Kevin stealing glances at her. Followed by a small snort of laughter. Her parents kept giving her their concerned looks. As if at any moment I would get up and butcher them right then and there. After a long argument they had concluded that Joan needed to see a shrink.

"Its for the best," Will said, jabbing his scrambled eggs with a fork, "You need help."

"Maybe God can help her," Luke snickered.

"Naw, he's busy today. Going to help me with my jump shot." Kevin said pretending to shoot a hoop, "Perhaps Jesus is free today?" Joan sat their horrified. She looked towards her parents and they simply shot the boys a glance, or was it a smile?

"I'm not crazy," Joan whispered into her own scrambled eggs. The phrase had come to her lips before, but never had it felt more like a lie. Those sinister thoughts slowly invaded her mind and began to whisper their doubt. Without realizing it, she violently shook her head all the while whispering, "Stop! Just stop talking!" She could hear the unison drop of the utensils, feel her parents eyes burn holes into her, and see the faces of her brothers before they busted out laughing as she stared into her eggs.

"Get out!" Will demanded. Luke took another bite of toast, drank a sip of orange juice and vanished. Kevin dashed out of the room. He had heard that tone of voice accompanied with those words far to often.

"Thanks," Joan whispered as she watched a tear fall into her eggs.

"Now get ready for school," Helen said, "you wont want to be late."

"I can't go to school!" Joan shouted horrified at the thought. "They know! You can't send me, please don't send me." Her father had an amused look on his face as he listened to his daughters pleas.

"How do you know the kids at school know?" Will asked, the statement seemed innocent enough.

"I just... know," Joan said. She was unsure how she knew, but somehow she did. Now looking away from her parents she whispered "I can't explain it."

"Did God tell you?" Will asked, trying to stifle a laugh. Joan felt the stabbing pain of betrayal work its way from her belly to the rest of her body. Helen shot Will a 'How the hell could you do that, she's your daughter.'

Now Joan was sobbing freely into her scrambled eggs.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: On The Ledge

Joan had been right, everyone at school had learned of the truth. She walked down the halls feeling naked. Quickly, she looked down at her body, hoping it was a nightmare from hell. But she was dressed. She was wearing a knee length skirt and a small jacket over her blouse. She could hear everyone mocking her. She hadn't realized how well known she was, but perhaps that was due to the sudden revelation that she 'saw' god.

She found her locker, and quickly spun the dial. She was so focused on her problem, she kept messing the combination up. Swearing lightly she pounded her fist against the locker for several seconds, then in defeat she slumped against the wall, her face in her hands. She just wanted to disappear.

"Why don't you ask God to help you?" she heard a familiar voice call out. Joan looked up, her eyes blurred by tears. But it was hard to not recognize the person standing in front of her. It was Grace.

"Hi," Joan said weakly, hoping she would drop the subject. She smirked.

"What kind of fascist would hide such a secret?" She demanded, anger edging her voice. Joan felt her words slice through her. "The world could use God, and you have definitive proof he exists? God isn't just some Cute Guy for you to keep to yourself. You should have shared him." Joan was stunned, she had never heard Grace so angry. In the back of her mind, she felt and itch. She shrugged it off as she sat their crying. Grace left.

She was then in chemistry. She was sitting alone, but that was to be expected. No one wanted to be with the psycho lady. Ms. Lishack was handing out a test. But Joan couldn't remember there being a test. She tried to think back before yesterday night, tried to focus on Chemistry. Nothing. It was blank. When she received the test. She looked it over, but for the life of her she couldn't decipher it. It wasn't the first time she had trouble understanding one of Ms. Lishack's tests. But nothing made sense.

"I think there is something wrong with my test," Joan said, interrupting the teacher's directions. She looked annoyed. Perhaps it was because she didn't feel like dealing with a person most likely to use her teaching to blow up the school.

"Well whats wrong with it?" She demanded coldly. The tone in her voice sent chills down Joan's spine.

"Well I..." Joan fumbled with what she was going to say. "I can't read it." Joan whispered.

"It would explain your F." The teacher said walking towards Joan. Joan handed her test to Ms Lishack. As she looked it over, Joan felt all the people staring at her. Again, she simply wanted to vanish.

"These are basic instructions Joan," she handed the test back. "A first grader could understand that." The class went into a laughing fit. Great, new jokes about her. Joan thought dismally. The rest of the day was the same. She walked from class to class. All the while her secret tailed her expertly. At lunch none of the people she knew would even speak to her. Not unless it was to throw and insult her way. The day was blurred, only bits and pieces of it she could remember.

Joan was hiding on the roof. This was the one place she felt safe. She reflected on the many hours spent up there with Adam. They could talk for hours up here, and on many occasions they had. They could also snuggle against each other and be content with simply existing together. The memories brought tears. Not an unusual thing, but the emotion behind them were far more powerful. She had lost Adam. IT had been the clearest thing that day.

It was after Lunch and she was walking around the school's campus, soaking the mocking sun's light. She spotted Adam sitting on a picnic table. In his hands he held a pencil and his sketch book. Joan was in awe at his talent, and enjoyed how he thought of her as his muse. Adam's head looked up from his sketch and Joan followed his gaze. Leaning against a tree sat Iris. Joan felt a pang of jealousy. She hadn't seen her in awhile, and was glad of it. Every time she thought of Iris, it brought of images of Adam and her together.

Slowly Joan walked over towards Adam. Now standing over him, she could see his sketch clearly. Never had he sketched her like he did Iris. The picture was flawless. Her eyes revealed the haunting past she endured and strives to overcome. But that was not all, he had expertly captured her passion for life.

"Hello," Joan whispered. Adam jumped, trying to hide the sketch.

"Hey Joan," Adam said slowly, using her real name. She had grown to love his pet name for her, and when he didn't use it. She knew. "Look, I..." Adam fidgeted with his pencil. "I think we should... see other people."

"Adam please..." Joan tried to finish, but the lump in her throat stopped it cold.

"I'm sorry Joan, but I can't be with you." Adam looked over his shoulder towards Iris, "I think I am going to get back with her." He left Joan standing there alone in a state of pure sorrow.

So now she was on the ledge. She nudged a small rock and watched it slowly fall to the earth. She took a deep breath and wondered how it would feel. It couldn't possibly be worse then what her future held. She was branded the crazy girl. She would receive no support from anyone, not anymore. She nudged another rock off the schools roof. Distantly, she could hear it hit the ground and could see it bounce away.

Another deep breath...

She inched herself closer off the edge....

In the distance she could see Adam kissing Iris....

Closer...

Tears streamed down her face. Her face contorted in pain. She felt a cold breeze blow past her, her hair flying wildly as if to encourage her to jump.

Closer....

Her left foot left the roof and was now dangling in mid air.

Just one more, she thought, and it will be over.

But she couldn't. She allowed herself to fall back on the roof. She couldn't go through with it. She was strong, God made her strong. She could deal with this... or at the very least use the skills God and inspired to run away and become a new person...

Someone was behind her now. He was tall and rather handsome and looked about his Mid twenties. His short brown hair. His blue eyes were cold and his expression of controlled malice. The mysterious man pushed her forward. Joan struggled, wanting to live.

She felt the railing, and she felt herself being pushed over it. She was falling...

Everything was so slow...

She felt helpless...

She could sense the ground coming closer...

It never came. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. She felt the cold sweat covering her body, soaking her bed. She felt so cold, the kind that chills your very bones. Hot tears were spilling from her face as she screamed.

Her parents ran into her room, turning on the switch. The sight they witnessed scared them profoundly. Will, who had served on the force for the better part of 20 years would be hard pressed to remember something that could rival what he was seeing. Helen, who had been raped while in college, was reminded of this. But her daughters pain seemed to dwarf that of hers.

Joan was sprawled on her bed. Her covers strewn about every which way. She was shivering, as if it were freezing. Her face was glistening with sweat. Then there was the screaming and groaning that came from her. Worst of all was the fear, pain that tormented her face. There beautiful girl, was in total agony.

Then she stopped screaming, and her face was beginning to return to its beautiful state. Joan was only vaguely aware that her family were looking over her. She felt a sense of relief at this.

It was only a nightmare, she thought.

The End.

(Author's Note: I think I made it way to obvious that this was a nightmare. This story occurred to me while thinking what it might be like if Joan's secret was revealed after a failed mission from God. As the general idea of the story started to form, I wondered if it were better suited for a Nightmare. This chapter, I hope, was an attempt to have Joan's fears come to life. Her family mocking her, losing Adam and Grace, the world thinking she was crazy. Though the sudden appearance of Ryan Hunter was not planned. This story is supposed to take place sometime after Adam and Iris broke up and before the season 1 finale.

Anyways I hope you enjoyed the story. Please leave your comments/questions/reviews. Oh one last thing. This has not gone under any form of editing. It was a story I felt I needed to get out. So I may have over done a few things. I might revisit it and edit it. But only time will tell. )


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